Deciding to Untie the Knot: Divorce Rates on the Rise

“The first separation was hard, and by the second time, I had decided that I would either kill myself or take off so fast that no one would catch up to me. I chose the second scenario,” says 36 year-old L.S., who turned her divorce into a new beginning in life. 

Her first breakup happened after four years of marriage — family life crises, lack of compromises, his self-centeredness, her emotional nature, and love and passion relegated to the background, leaving only domestic issues. On their fifth wedding anniversary, L.S. decided that it needed to end. 

“I constantly contemplated leaving him,” L.S. says. “The turning point came when I had just had surgery and my husband was not supportive at all. I had to recuperate at my parents house. He didn’t even call to ask how I was doing.” It was only days later when the couple spoke, that L.S. decided she had had enough. “He said he had decided to move to another country, and I decided not to go with him.”  

After getting married, L.S. was forced to stop seeing her friends and family. She gave up her interests and did not have a job. This situation — not having a job, being financially dependent — often discourages women from considering divorce, causing them to remain in unstable and strained relationships. 

“After the separation, I felt like my life was over,” L.S. recalls. “I constantly had suicidal thoughts, believing I couldn’t cope with life on my own.” However, during this emotionally devastating time, she received a job offer. “I worked hard, I worked on myself, my appearance, my finances, and everything started to fall into place.” 

Just as she was putting her life back together, her husband returned and they signed the divorce papers. Several days later,  L.S receives a call from her now-former husband. After more than three hours of conversation, they decide to get back together and remarry. 

“Even though I had become more self-sufficient, I still felt like an accessory to his life. I did not allow myself to have an independent life and my child also felt alone, asking why others had siblings. It was no longer just about me. My priority was for my child to have a proper family. So, I agreed to move abroad with him.” 

After having a second child, the family returned to Armenia. Although L.S. pursued a new profession in which her skills were in demand,  her husband decided that her place was with the children. 

“He would constantly scold me and create obstacles for my work,” she said. “This was the final push that led me to decide to get him out of my life. The second time around, it was much easier.” 

“Don’t Love Too Much, There Is Hate” 

According to Armenia’s National Statistical Committee, over the past ten years, the number of marriages in the country has decreased, while the number of divorces has increased by approximately 10%. In 2012, 17% of all marriages ended in divorce. By 2022 and 2023, this figure had risen to almost 27%. In 2012, 19,063 marriages and 3,250 divorces were registered. By 2022, this picture had changed: out of 16,795 marriages, 4,525 ended in divorce. In 2023, out of 16,207 marriages, 4,525 ended in divorce. 

Data from 2011-2021 indicates that the majority of divorces occur among couples who have been together for 20 or more. It is also noteworthy that about 5% of divorces is among couples who have been together for only about a year. 

For the Sake of the Children and Society 

“My mother, ‘for the sake of the children,’ put up with my father’s infidelity and abuse her entire life. The result was that we, the children, lived in constant fear of their frequent fights,” recalls Christine Ghazaryan, now 45. “After one of their fights, my younger sister started stuttering. My father would leave for migrant work, sparing my mother from physical abuse for those months. However, even from miles away, he continued to degrade and oppress her. I’m not sure what the best course of action would have been under the circumstances, but I can’t help but think that if they had divorced, our lives might have been easier.”   

Christine recalls that in their village, people would not even say hello to divorced women. It  was not always acceptable for others to let their children play with the children of divorced parents. She says that her mother stayed with her abuser to avoid such behavior, saying, “people will not understand.” 

“On the other hand, there were no jobs in the village. My mother, who depended on agriculture, struggled to raise four children on her own. Meanwhile, my father was earning well working abroad. Consequently, my mother had no choice but to endure, which shortened her life and left us with numerous traumas.” Christine says she and her sister, who were the two oldest, were most affected by their parents’ complicated relationship. Both faced challenges building their own relationships afterwards.   

The fear of being alone, cultural implications, and financial concerns often deter people from pursuing divorce. Psychologist Mariam Melkumyan, suggests these concerns are especially pronounced when children are involved.  

“Often, one partner is unable to live independently and provide for the children, leading them to avoid divorce for the children’s sake,” she explains. However, she also emphasizes the potential harm of a traumatic nature of their parents’ relationship. “It is more constructive if the child has a happy mother and a happy father than parents who stay together but are constantly fighting, which can make the child feel insecure.” 

L.S. discussing her experience with separation and divorce, says that when all efforts have been exhausted and the family is still intact, but at the expense of your health and dignity, it’s not worth continuing the fight.  

“I must admit, as heartbreaking as it is, my children are better off now than they would be in a semi-functional and aggressive family environment,” L.S. explains. She has the children during the week, and they spend weekends with their father. Relations with her former husband have also become much calmer, and they can co-parent effectively. “I think I was stupid to be that afraid of being alone during the first separation, thinking that I would be lost without my husband,” L.S. explains. “It turns out that there is life after divorce, and a woman can be fully independent and happy on her own.” 

A New Constructive Phase 

Psychology suggests that when a couple recognizes that divorce can be a step toward a new chapter in the relationship and chooses an amicable path, the process will be less turbulent. However, in the Armenian context, continuous insults often overshadow the process. Each side, including their respective families, often set out to punish the other. Societal pressure complicates the situation. 

Gayane Arakelyan, who lives abroad, says although deciding to divorce was difficult, she was relieved to avoid societal stigmas, labels, and judgemental stares.  

“Our problem was an obvious one, there was no love. I had lost myself and was unhappy. I cried every night. I was in a country where I had no one but him,” Gayane says, adding that while she was taking care of the children, running the household, her husband never took part and in fact, was leading a completely separate life that she wasn’t a part of.

Gayane had an apartment and a job when she decided to divorce: “My child was barely two. I returned to work the day after my kid started kindergarten. I worked as a caretaker for a child with a disability. Simultaneously, I attended language school to improve my academic Swedish and took a law course. Before long, I was employed by the state.” 

The couple have shared custody. The child spends one week with Gayane, the other week with her former husband. “The best solution was for us to have equal roles in raising our child,” she explains. “This arrangement has become quite natural over time. We understand each other better now and have a lot of respect for one another.” 

Gayane says she sees the decision to separate four years ago as the beginning of a more constructive, less restrictive and peaceful phase of her life. “I can confidently say that I have  overcome the divorce. Life had already begun anew the day after,” she says.

The (Un)Attainable 

The law has allowed divorce in Armenia since the 12th century. However, societal acceptance is a different matter, especially when considering the number of women who decide not to divorce saying, “People would not understand.”

Mkhitar Gosh, a 12th century scientist, legislator, clergyman and public figure, listed the grounds for divorce in his “Judgment Book”. These include mental illness of a spouse, a man’s sexual incapacity, a woman’s barrenness, infidelity, the absence of the husband for seven years, and faithlessness.

Divorce proceedings in Armenia are not complex. A joint application by the couple and a one-month waiting period for possible reconciliation are sometimes all that’s required. However, a husband cannot apply for divorce while his wife is pregnant. The first Christian nation upholds a secular approach to marriage law, a Soviet legacy. While church weddings are a cherished tradition, they have no legal standing in Armenia.

Still traditions often do impact the outcome divorce process. For example, though the law stipulates that property acquired during marriage is equally divided following divorce, the multigenerational family, the tradition of moving in with the inlaws after marriage, often leaves the woman empty-handed.

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